Journey to Iconic Podcast

Embrace Strength: Confront the Fear of Being Alone

• Kirsten Barfoot • Season 1 • Episode 3

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Can confronting the fear of being alone truly lead to a life-changing transformation? 

I invite you to join me, as I share a poignant conversation I had with a dear friend who has navigated the challenges of separation. 

Listen as we unravel the complex emotions attached to shattered dreams and the profound soul-searching that follows. Her journey is a testament to finding gratitude and self-discovery amidst adversity, pushing us to question our comfort zones and embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. 

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of how facing our deepest fears can unlock potential we never knew we had.

Embrace the path to your highest potential by aligning with your unique self. 

As we wrap up this transformative journey, I extend my deepest gratitude and support to you on your personal growth path. The insights and inspiration shared aim to empower you to step into your power with confidence. 

Remember to connect with me on LinkedIn and other platforms for ongoing support. Your journey to becoming iconic begins with self-trust and a commitment to continuous forward movement. 


Let these stories guide you, and know that I am here with you, cheering for every step you take.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Journey to Iconic podcast, where we unlock your highest potentials through transformation and intuition. I'm your host, kirsten Barfoot, ceo of Journey to Iconic. Each week, we dive into the realms of personal growth, intuition and authentic leadership, guiding you to become the best version of yourself. Whether you're looking to enhance your personal brand, align with your true direction or tap into your inner wisdom, you're in the right place. Let's embark on this journey together and start transforming your life today. Hello, hello and welcome to this episode of Journey to Iconic, where I am going to ask some deep questions.

Speaker 1:

I get a lot of stimulus from my environment and certainly when people ask me questions and there's been a real transformation or I can see that there's a possibility for a big transformation. I believe that these things should be shared, because if it's helpful for one person, it's going to be helpful for others, and I think that this is a universal question, it's not just for certain people. Like, lots of people ask this question and that is are you afraid of being alone? Just let that question sink into you for a moment. It's like how did that question? Are you afraid of being alone? How did that settle, did it? Did you feel any nudges anywhere in your body and just allow yourself to feel where that, where that physical response may have been. And if there is no, then don't overthink it, it's fine. It's like just contemplate how this question feels for you Now.

Speaker 1:

This lady, she's a friend of mine and she's going through a separation right now and you know, I, I mean, I can relate to this. Uh, you know, when you've you've gone so long believing in a dream and believing that that is your highest dream, uh, and then it it doesn't, it doesn't work out. There is a real like, there's something that happens within you that well for me. It took me on that deeper soul searching to really understand what is that? What is that thing? What is that thing? And with with this question the lady asked me last night was am I going to find somebody else and is that person going to be with me forever? It's like wanting to know the answer. It's like wanting to get to the good stuff without actually participating in the journey. And look, you know, I have lived my life like that. I used to always want people to give me the answer. I was like just tell me what to do, just tell me what to do, the best thing to do and I'll just do that. But the thing is is that that's not what we are here to do. We're not here to be told what to do by other people. We're here to figure it out for ourselves, to really get so in tune with our inner mechanisms, our soul, our heart, you know, and this highest potential that is available to us and that comes through challenge. I mean we don't get to our highest potential without challenge. That is highly transformational, if you can allow that to sit within you. It's like we don't get to find out more about ourselves, we don't get to find out more of what we're capable of until we go through something that doesn't quite work and we have to figure it out.

Speaker 1:

If you want to take a moment to reflect on any moments in your life that really may have gone really, really well, it's like what was that preceded by? Was it preceded by uncertainty, self-doubt, feelings of oh, I don't know if I can do this, or also the opposite of that is like think about any of the hard times that you've had in your life and reflect like what did I gain from that experience? What came out of it? Or is there something that came out of it. That was really good. That would not have happened if I had not had that really challenging moment in my life, had not had that really challenging moment in my life. And you know this friend of mine she's. You know, a year ago she wasn't overly satisfied with what was happening in her life and and it's hard, you know, as I said, when you, when you believe in a dream so much and then all of a sudden it's no longer, that is like a shattering experience and I can completely relate to that.

Speaker 1:

So but then fast forward a year. Now she is finding out more and more and more about herself than she would have ever in a relationship. And you know, a year later she feels grateful for this experience. However, there's also this question of am I going to be alone? So back to that question. So she asked me this question what do you think? And I said do you want to know? You know, I asked her is she okay with a difficult question? And I said, well, okay, can you be a lot, can you be okay with being alone?

Speaker 1:

Because that's where the transformation lies is like the transformation lies with going to that place of the biggest fear. So the biggest fear in her particular case is am I going to be alone forever? Am I ever going to find that person? And I think a lot of people can relate to this. It's like the biggest fear is am I going to be alone Now, when you can ask yourself and this is going to take some time, this is not like an instantaneous thing where you go, am I going to be okay with being alone? And you go no, I'm not Okay, that's fine, that's fine. But the mere fact that you have asked this question opens something within you. Or, if you're open and willing, allow it to open something within you, because what's going to happen is you can start to get the experience of what that might be like.

Speaker 1:

Now I can't personally relate to fearing being alone because, quite frankly, I actually really love. I love my alone time. I love being on my own. It gives me time to reflect and contemplate and do all of the things, to reflect and contemplate and do all of the things you know, without being pressured by external forces. So like I actually really like it. But I know that's not helpful, if you know, if you do feel that. So I'm going to give you, I'm going to share a story of what I mean by opening up to the potential of something, of what I mean by opening up to the potential of something.

Speaker 1:

And so when my ex and I split up, we have a son. He's seven and it was all very amicable, it was all very friendly, it was not a problem. We pretty much glided through that whole separation process like a dream. It was amazing, it was fine, but what happened was and he'd done a lot of traveling away from Australia, so we'd sort of had that distance anyway but what happened was he made a choice that he was going to reside in a different country, and that just hit me in a place that I was not expecting, and I felt just this rage within me. Now I'm about a year, maybe even a year and a half, down the track of that, and so when I reflect on it, I can see that I wasn't only disappointed with him and his choice, but I was very disappointed, if not more disappointed, with myself and my choice. So I was very sad, very angry with myself that I had made a choice to marry a person who would then move to a different country and not be a part of our son's life.

Speaker 1:

So that was a big, big thing for me and, as I said so, there was quite a lot of rage there and I spoke with a friend of mine, not expressing rage, but you know, she came to me and she said do you know that now you, this is your son, he's the most important thing in your life? And that was just a moment of awareness, of going yes, you're right, like, focus on what's important right now. And so that was an opening. That was an opening and I was taking counsel with another friend and she asked me a very transformational question, which was Kirsten, has it ever occurred to you that this is the best thing for your son? And I said no, no, I have not considered that this may be the best thing for my son. And if you have followed me for any length of time, you would know that I speak quite a lot about gratitude and being grateful, especially for hard things, like there is a transformational quality to finding gratitude for difficult and challenging situations. So that was a very transformational question to ask me, because I realized that, no, I hadn't actually considered that.

Speaker 1:

So what happened and this is the point of me sharing this story is that it probably took me about three months to come to a place where I accepted that as a truth, that I was like, okay, okay, I'm not quite at that gratitude phase yet. I knew I wasn't there, but I knew that I could accept it. I was like, okay, I can accept this as a truth. So this is why I'm sharing with you. I'm sharing with you.

Speaker 1:

It took you know it takes time to contemplate these to just allow the opening of that question, of that possibility. It's not forcing the insight, it's not forcing the acceptance or the gratitude of situations, because when we force things, we block it or we think that, oh, it should take this amount of time or that amount of time, or you know. But please, if I can just share one thing, is that time is not the, is not the uh, the clincher here. The clincher is when you get the insight, you will know it, you will feel it, it will be a revelation to you, it will be like those light bulb moments. So allow that, don't force it. Just be in that space of holding the space for it to happen, knowing that it will, and when it comes you will, you will know and so, and so you know, I was very grateful to have that realization.

Speaker 1:

And then something else happened. About another three months later, some new information came to me and, oh my goodness, I was like and there it is, there's the gratitude. I could feel this sense of gratitude. I was like, oh my goodness. I was like, oh my goodness, I am so grateful that this has happened and I know that this is the best thing for our son. I know that this is the best thing and I'm so grateful. I know it's not the easiest thing for him to go through, and that's what I've spoken to him about as well. It's like these are really hard lessons. This is hard for a mother to watch her son go through that kind of pain, but, um, but you know, he's thriving, he's, he's absolutely doing amazing and we've got some really great role models around us. So for that, you know we we we're taken care of, we really are taken care of, um. It's just not in that um way that we have that expectation of how it will be, and this is why we need to release those expectations, because sometimes our lives can really, really actually, when we allow it to happen, our lives can just turn out so much better than we ever expected, but just not in the way that we have this expectations towards the way that we think it's going to happen.

Speaker 1:

So back to this question of am I going to be alone? Is that, if you can come to that acceptance of I am actually okay to be alone, of I am actually okay to be alone when you come to that, or you're like I'm so grateful that I am alone and it's not that this is a life sentence? This is not what I'm suggesting. This is not the way that I want you to view it. You know, the invitation really is so that you can come to this place where I'm okay to be alone, but then I don't necessarily have to be, because the ultimate thing is that when you can join with someone else who is also not afraid to be alone, is that you both join in a way that is like I don't need you. I don't need you in my life, but I love having you in my life. You add value to my life. You make me a better person. We work together, we co-create, not from a place of codependence and needing it, but it's like a desire, it's a want, it's like you both transcend into higher levels of yourself because you are with each other, but you can't get to that place unless you're okay with just being alone. And so my question is, if you can, can you be okay with being alone and acknowledging that this might take some time? Acknowledge the steps that are going to be along the way.

Speaker 1:

Maybe it is that I'm angry, that I have to be alone, I'm fearful. Own it, own all of these emotions. They are powerful Not to wallow in it and get caught up in it, but to just acknowledge yes, I am angry, yes, I'm very fearful, I'm afraid of what's going to happen. Yes, I can really feel those things, but I'm also open and willing to experience the other side of this the possibility, the acceptance, the gratitude, the fulfillment, the absolute feeling of fullness and wholeness within my being, because I am okay to be on my own and I know that I've got this.

Speaker 1:

So I hope this has brought up some questions for you, or even some contemplations and some reflections for you, or even some contemplations and some reflections. Know that you are safe, you are loved and I believe in you and you've totally got this. And if you do have questions, don't don't be afraid to reach out. Um, you know, I'm I'm always happy to, uh know, support you on your journey as well. So just go and have some reflection time. Open up to what that experience of being alone and how that can actually benefit you and your whole entire being.

Speaker 1:

So with that, I wish you a wonderful day, or a wonderful night, and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Have a wonderful day. Lots of love to you. Bye. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Journey to Iconic Podcast. I hope you found inspiration and practical insights to help you unlock your highest potential. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate and leave a review to help others find us For more resources and to connect with our community. Follow Kirsten Barford on LinkedIn and other socials or visit our website at wwwkirstenbarfordcom. Remember your journey to iconic starts with embracing your unique self and stepping into your power. Until next time, keep moving forward, trust yourself and remember I've got you.