Journey to Iconic Podcast

The Magnetic Power of Self-Worth: Transcending External Validation

• Kirsten Barfoot • Season 1 • Episode 13

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Have you ever stopped to question where your value truly comes from? In our achievement-driven world, we've learned to equate our worth with our productivity, contributions, and external validations. But what if this entire framework is missing the most fundamental truth about human value?

This episode explores the powerful distinction between doing-based worth and being-based worth. I share personal insights about the trap of trying to "earn" our place in the world and the freedom that comes when we recognize our intrinsic value. When we operate from a place of inherent self-worth rather than a need to prove ourselves, we access a magnetic energy that transforms how we show up and what we attract.

The journey requires us to see both sides of the coin. While evidence of our limitations and disappointments is real, so too is our unlimited potential and unique gifts. Learning to hold both perspectives simultaneously is where true transformation happens. I offer practical questions to help you recognize your inherent value: What would it look like to see your challenges as gifts? What unique value do you bring that requires no doing, only being? How might you see yourself through "God's eyes"?

Join me for this deeply reflective conversation about moving beyond external validation to discover the power that comes from knowing your worth exists independently of anything you do or achieve. Subscribe, share, and continue your journey to becoming iconic by embracing your authentic self.

Ready to take this deeper? If you’re feeling the call to express yourself more powerfully and authentically, I invite you to book a Voice of Power Activation Session. 

This 90-minute intuitive session utilising your unique energetic blueprint (including Human Design insights) to help you unlock your unique communication style and lead from your highest self.

https://calendly.com/kirsten-barfoot/voice-of-power


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Journey to Iconic podcast, where we unlock your highest potentials through transformation and intuition. I'm your host, kirsten Barfoot, ceo of Journey to Iconic. Each week, we dive into the realms of personal growth, intuition and authentic leadership, guiding you to become the best version of yourself. Whether you're looking to enhance your personal brand, align with your true direction or tap into your inner wisdom, you're in the right place. Let's embark on this journey together and start transforming your life today. Hello, hello and welcome to this episode where I want to dive deeply into our intrinsic value in terms of. I know that we are so used to seeing our value in the things that we do, in the things that we help each other with, in our accomplishments, our achievements all of those things. It's very easy to get caught up in seeing our value as being something we do. However, there have been so many instances in my life that have just come up recently that you know, know this emotional charge that comes with expectations from the external world that you can do all of these things and yet what ends up happening is we can deplete ourselves, we can burn out, and because there's just this need to prove our value and I was watching a video this morning and, forgive me, I can't remember even who the guy who was actually speaking. It was on Instagram and it was talking about a billionaire named Mark there can't be that many, surely? Anyway, he's a billionaire, and this guy who was talking about him was saying that. You know, he said to this mark fellow, how come you dress in like a slob? Because he was dressed in t-shirts and and jeans and what have you. And he wasn't dressed in a suit and looking all sharp, like the expectation of a of a billionaire would be. And, um, the billionaire said because I can. And so the point was that you earn the right to wear what you want. You earn, earn that right. You have to earn that right to wear what you want. You know, while I might, on some level, actually agree with that, because I believe that that's how we've been brought up you want to attract serious people. You need to dress for success.

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However, having built my own personal brand and being very certain about my own style and what works for me and what doesn't work for me, I know that the most important thing for me to feel is that I feel comfortable, like I feel maybe comfortable is probably not the right word in this context. I feel integrated, I feel embodied. So when I say comfortable, I mean like there's an element of feeling safe in who I am, what I'm exuding. I'm not trying to fit into a mold, I'm not trying to wear something to make myself appear a certain way, and anytime I have tried that, I feel like my message gets somewhat diluted and the words don't come out as powerfully because I'm not embodied. I'm trying to be something or match a persona that isn't embodied in what I am doing, and so I've really tuned into the energy and the frequency of that in saying that, my goodness, do I love to dress up sharp and a jacket and look very super sharp and then wearing a beautiful color to like match my vibrance absolutely 100%. And I would say that color has been one of the hardest things for me to nut out in terms of a brand, because there is a flavor that comes from an expression that I want to express, a meaning of something and that will relate to a color. And if any of you have read my book, you will know and you've read the original version it doesn't actually have color anymore. But if you have read the original version, it has colors throughout, and I don't go into the explanation. If people are aware of the chakra system, they will notice that there is a message and there is a color associated, and it's about a vibration that I wanted to contribute and share, not in an overt way, just more in a way of like it's a very subtle cue and it's a very subtle resonance. So quite often you might see me wearing a particular colour because there is a specific message that I wish to share and therefore that colour is the resonance with that.

Speaker 1:

So, getting back to you know, this proving is that we, you know. So there's these messages that we get put out there all the time, that we have to earn our place, we have to prove it, and so we spend endless energy trying to prove ourselves to the external world. And what's the problem with this? The problem is that we get caught up in the wrong things. We get caught up in okay, we get caught up in okay. So it's the proof, and then it becomes the doing, and so then we will get caught up.

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If we're talking from a business sense, we'll get caught up in that marketing message, and so that marketing message has to then speak to a particular person. It has to solve a number of problems. It has to. Then, you know, bring the person around and say, hey, right, I'm your, I'm your person. And so when we're coming from that place and we're doing that unconsciously, just to follow a strategy, we can get really caught up in what the right and wrong way to do something. And having done this from experience, I know that you can chase the right and wrong way to do something. And having done this from experience, I know that you can chase the right thing to do and it can be the wrong thing for you. So let me say that again, it can be the right thing to do and it can be the wrong thing for you. What do I mean by that? I mean that we can follow all of the rules and all of the things and all of the ways that these gurus and experts and everyone tells you hey, this is the way to do it and it cannot land. Why? Why is that? Because, inherently, there is a step that people are not shown.

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We are not brought up with this understanding that our value comes from within. First. We have to know within ourselves that we bring the value, and it's not from doing, it's from being. It's from this inherent, embodied understanding that we are who we are and we are valuable just as we are, and that is then it takes a step back. It's grounded, it's embodied, it's magnetic because what it's doing is it's not trying to put the expectations out into the external world, it's actually bringing in the match of that frequency. And this is a very powerful place to be. This is a magnetic place to be and this is where, when we understand our value, when we know that we have something of value to share, and we put it out in that embodied place, when I say speak from your toes, from from that voice of power but that voice of power isn't from our throat, it's from deep within us.

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There is a frequency that is emitted into the world that is from a place of certainty, a place of surety, a place of safety, a place of no expectation. It doesn't say and I'm expecting this, this and this result. It does not say that. It says this is my effort, this is what I'm putting out, this is my best, and to understand that the best is good enough and there will always be better, always, always, always. We are always getting better, we are always learning new things about ourselves. We are always improving. We are always uncovering more of our capabilities. There is an endless, endless source of ability and capability within us that is so untapped.

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But the only way to actually untap it and to find it is to go into uncharted territory, to go into the unknown, to do something we haven't done, to feel uncomfortable because, trust me, it's uncomfortable. It's not like we're going to get to this rosy place where our nervous system is like oh, I am so happy that we jumped or that we're about to jump. It's not. It's actually going to bring up a little bit of like. I'm not really overly satisfied about this, but it's about getting into that place where it's like this is a fairly. You know, I can trust myself here. I can trust that I can go into the unknown and, whatever happens, I'm going to be okay Like. This is my core.

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Core, core message is that there's an ability for us to be self-sufficient, that there is an ability for us to transcend other people's expectations. There's an ability for us to transcend even our own limitations. This is a problem. This is a problem that we have. We believe in own limitations. This is a problem. This is a problem that we have.

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We believe in our limitations. We see all of the things that don't work, the challenges in our life, the things that come up that don't work and they're frustrating, and it brings disappointment and we can be hurt and downtrodden, and all of these things, and then we will start to see that our value is getting diminished, unless we stop believing in ourselves. Because all of these things, we see all of this evidence and we believe it because it's evidence. Right, I mean, that's what we do in science, isn't it? We look at the evidence and we we say, okay, there's a hypothesis here. And if I was going to base my evidence, what would it look like? Oh, that's right. Oh, the evidence of failure, the evidence of disappointment. So it must be true, it is true, it's totally true, 100, because when we look at it from that perspective, it absolutely is true. I'm not even in a place of denying that.

Speaker 1:

However, what I am going to say is that if we believe in that truth, we also have to understand that there is another truth. It's like looking at the coin and knowing that there is a heads and a tails, and when you're looking at the heads, you don't see the tails. When you're looking at the tails, you don't see the heads. So what we need to get good at is looking. When we are looking at the head is turning the coin and looking at the tails and going, okay, what else could I see? Because I know that there's another truth out there. But what am I not looking at? It's like all of the successes, all of the times that you have won, all of the times that people have just gone, oh, what you just said there that changed my life. Further to that, it's actually even. It's even more closer to home than acknowledging how other people view you.

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This is the truth that I want to impart today is have a look at your value. What do you bring? Searching deep for that. So my question for you today is like, if I brought inherent value, just because I am who I am, what is it that I bring without having to do anything or say anything or be anything for anyone else? It's like who are you for you? Who are you for you? Because I have a lot of people who come to me and what is the running theme? Why do they come to me?

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You know, they say, you know, they start believing in a truth. And I can, honestly, I can feel it because I know it for myself. I know that we believe these stories and we see it as a truth. It for myself, I know that we believe these stories and we see it as a truth. And so, as you know, as their coach, I look at the other side because I see their magnificence, I can see everything. I can see their gold, their diamonds, all of those things. And what is my job is for me to allow them to see that themselves, to be that mirror for them. And I tell you, the biggest joy that I have is when I see the lights go on in their eyes, when they start, then, when they change, when they start to see the other side of the coin, when they go oh my gosh, you saw it all along. I'm like, yeah, totally saw it all along, but it wasn't for me to see, it was for me to show you how to see it yourself. And when they see it, when they see it, it's changing, it changes their life because all of a sudden they know that they are capable of so much more than what they thought that they were. And this is unlimited.

Speaker 1:

You know, I don't sit here on my golden crown sorry, golden throne, and say I know it all, I have it all and, yes, you should listen to me because of this. No, I'm on this journey, I'm digging in the dirt, I'm in the dark as well. You know I get through this journey blood, sweat and tears. You know I get through this journey blood, sweat and tears. The only reason I am so good at what I do is because it's a lived experience. I've had to, you know, move through those really insanely dark times and make sense of that chaos and to make those challenges beautiful and to see the miraculous where it's not obvious. You know, I have had many conversations with God and said hey, god, do you think we overshot? Do you think that we might've like just gone? Yeah, you can do all of these things and really I think we might've overshot. And then the next day something happens and I go, oh gosh, yeah you.

Speaker 1:

It's like we get to see ourselves like that. Whatever we understand God or the universal source or that entity, it would see us through absolute, infinite light and potential. And if we could see ourselves through that lens of infinite light and potential and maybe we can't see it all, of course, because that would mean that we're not human and we totally are human. But what we can do is be open and willing to see it as a different perspective. And that's like a really cool question to ask. Is that what can I see? How could I see the gift in this situation and what would be available to me if I could see the other side of the coin? And maybe there's some resistance there.

Speaker 1:

And if there is, it's like am am I open and willing to to see something else? Because that those two words open and willing it opens your subconscious up and while you might not get the answer in the one second that you ask it, it's like about being open and willing to receive it and allow that connection to be made. And I promise you it will. May not be in the first minute, may not be in the first hour, it may not be in the first minute, it may not be in the first hour, it may not be in the first day, but you have to be in that place of like. I expect this to happen and it will come. Trust me, there hasn't been anyone who has never found this, so I've got pretty much lots of certainty that this is so. Plus, you know it's scientifically back too. So it's the observation technique that when you are open and willing to see something new, you are giving, you are allowing that space for that connection to be made.

Speaker 1:

So today I wanted to share that with you. It's been such an important revelation for me. This year has been so uh, you know intense in terms of lessons that have been learned and this real like pressure to to see things in a different way, and I really want to share that with you because I know how helpful it is for me to look at things from a different perspective and I hope that it can also be the same for you. So with that, I want to leave you with a couple of questions.

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Is what would it look like if you were to see the other side of the coin, if the challenges and the experiences that are potentially not working out, if they could be seen as the gift?

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What would they be If you could turn that challenge into something beautiful?

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What would it be?

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And when you can look at the absolute value that you bring, what is it? What do you bring that is completely unique to you and it doesn't require you to go and do something or be something or say something it's actually like. If you were in that quiet space of certainty within you, if you were looking through God's eyes at you, what would God see? And then go and be that and see the magnetism that you bring to you. So I hope this is helpful and I hope this has landed in the right place at the right time for you right now, and I love you and I'll see you in the next one.

Speaker 1:

Bye, thank you for joining me on this episode of Journey to Iconic Podcast. I hope you found inspiration and practical insights to help you unlock your highest potential. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate and leave a review to help others find us for more resources and to connect with our community. Follow kirsten barford on linkedin and other socials or visit our website at wwwkirstenbarfordcom. Remember, your journey to iconic starts with embracing your unique self and stepping into your power. Until next time, keep moving forward, trust yourself and remember I've got you.

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